CHRONIC FATIGUE JOURNAL

A BELATED MESSAGE

2010-12-30T11:43:00.004+10:30

Hi All.
I hope that you all had a lovely Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year.
Working four days a week is better to manage my energy levels.The fact that I'm able to work at all is a gift and one I am thankful for. At times it's extremely hard to stay balanced enough to be able to cope with daily events and work as well. I breathe to music regularly and centre myself in love,peace and then balance returns. I still find it difficult at times when people tend to judge me for my inability to participate in some chores, as there is a definite limit as to just how far I can push myself.
We are expecting friends from S.A. today, so J and I have been very busy preparing the house.
So now because I have a spare hour or two I'd just like to say"I think of you all often and that I hope 2011 will be all you hope it to be."
Love and Gentle Hugs.
Rose

Grrrrrr.....

2010-10-13T15:42:00.003+10:30

Hi to all who read this.
It's been ages since I've had the energy or the ability to share here. I have had a very severe set back with CFS, making it extremely difficult to keep working. I have just built up enough courage to ask my manager to drop a days work and she agreed to it without hesitation. I realized I was going down the same path as five years ago and chose to stop pushing myself, stop being hard on myself, stop judging myself and most of all stop feeling as though I am not good enough. It has taken a lot of inner searching and lot's of quite time to appreciate what my body is telling me at all times. It certainly doesn't mean that I always like what I'm feeling, however statistically I have come to an understanding of my limitations. I very much live in the now moment, this has been my saving grace and with God's help and ever presence I AM worthy...of my life. I would just like to thank you all for your journey sharing, as we are indeed all in this together.
Love and Gentle Hugs.
Rose

REMEMBERING TO PACE ???

2010-08-02T09:33:00.005+09:30

It's been a few weeks since I've posted here.
I have lost my job,due to funding cuts (last one on,first to go) Shame really,cause I loved working there. So for now I'm enjoying some much needed time off from work.
The fatigue has been present again for a number of weeks making minimal tasks a challenge.
I have been offered a job in "The Women's Council" as an Admin Assistant, working with Indigenous Women. I'm feeling positive about this opportuninty and trusting that I'm meant to be exactly where I am in this now moment.
Our friends stayed for a full on two weeks, it's was wonderful having them stay with us, but extremely tiring as well. They have a 4Wd, so on the week-ends we ventured into the bush, it was great fun, although even sitting in the car was difficult.
I hoped that connecting to the awesome landscape would assist my energy levels, as the beauty is truly a gift.
For now I am aware that I'm out of balance,perhaps forgetting to pace myself.
I apologize for not commenting on any ones entries of late on different blogs, but for now this is quite a challenge.
Love and Gentle Hugs to You All.
Rose

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS OR DOSEN'T

2010-07-09T10:52:00.003+09:30

Our cat's Taylor and Amber enjoying the sun coming through the window

I know it's a funny title,laughter is definitely the best medicine.
It's been very wet here and once again "The Todd" is flowing,this will be the fifth time since last September. A normally rare occurrence,seems to be whats happening on our planet right now.We are indeed going through many changes,on a physical level as well as planetary.
The fatigue is too present for my liking, making it more difficult for me to do what I want to do. We are having friends come form Adelaide today.They are staying with us for two weeks, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed before they even get here, so for now I'm just taking one breath at a time and living one moment at a time, trying not to get caught up in the what ifs of life. My friend also has an energy disorder, being the host will be a challenge.
I have a feeling of constant wind with-in my body, a reaction to the constant diarrhea and then the medication to stop it. Apparently I had a bug that only immune deficient people get,it's difficult to talk to a doctor who doesn't really understand CFS, so after eight weeks of this gut issue, now waiting on another test.
Love and Hugs.
Rose

THE HEART CENTRE

2010-06-11T15:04:00.002+09:30

I’m not sure if any of you are aware that we now live in what is commonly known as
“The Heart Centre”of Australia.
When I mediate and sit in stillness...
I connect to My Heart and Breathe...
I always Hear...
Feel and know that God is always near...
With every breath I breathe I am grateful for this Now Moment of time.
As I write this I’m aware that my bowel issue is still happening. I have supplied three specimens and will find out the result tomorrow.
I have had a couple of people in the last weeks directing bullying tactics at me. Over all this is extremely difficult to respond in any way, other than to say nothing. This seems to aggravate these people even more, so I find myself distancing me from them. To honor these individuals for who they are can be difficult, however in the action it’s my re-action that can have a huge or not so huge effect on my energy level.
The fatigue has been around a bit more these days and I really look forward to Friday my day off, giving me a three day week-end. This week I’m lucky enough to have four days off in a row as we celebrate the Queens birthday as a public holiday here in Australia. My doctor has put me on a new folic acid tablet, which I order from America .It’s meant to be a wonder tablet, relieving my current (ibs, fatigue, weight gain, blood pressure, hormone issues, headaches and muscle aches to name just a few of the symptoms. I’ll keep you all posted on the outcome.
It’s extremely cold here at night getting well below -0. The days are awesome with the sun shining most days, the warmth is quite amazing even on a low temperature day. We now have a gas heater and I’m looking forward to being able to use it later today.
To all my fellow readers and Blog friends...
Heart to Heart Love.
Rose

A ROSE

2010-06-06T16:00:00.004+09:30

Not a lot to say this time.
So I'm just going to put a photo here in the Hope of spreading some Love and Hugs to you All.
Rose

RIDING THE WAVE OF FRUSTRATION TO THE CALM OF THE SEA

2010-05-22T10:46:00.004+09:30

I am feeling extremely frustrated by so many personal events of this last few weeks.
I just want to scream...
See me...
Hear me...
For I am not just a number...
I do matter...
I wont bore you all with all the events of late, except this one seems to be the catalyst.
I was given an extreme dose of antibiotic's for a pending peptic ulcer. I trusted in what the doctor had said. I persevered for a week of severe diarrhea and feelings of constant nausea. Now I'm bleeding and have an extremely irritated bowel. I'm feeling very flat, my legs are like jello, my head is fuzzy and the fatigue is back.
At the moment food is the last thing on my mind as everything I eat seems to aggravate my stomach.
On a happy note our daughter and grand babe came to visit for a week, to spend Mothers Day with me. We had a most enjoyable day. Then on the Monday our daughter came down with severe gastro and ended up spending the night in hospital on 5lts of fluids. Her baby coming down with it eight hours later.
Not much fun for any one, however we did get to spend two days sight seeing, before they left.
This wave of frustration is more like a Tsunami. So for now I continue to sit in stillness with God.
I have excepted that there are many things in life that I don't have the ability to change, however I also feel that is is my reaction to these events that have a huge effect on my physical body.
So in this moment...
All is as...
It is Now...
Love and Hugs.
Rose

SHINING BRIGHTLY

2010-04-30T08:17:00.004+09:30

The sun is shining Oh!!! so brightly today as most days here.
So...A verse from Louise Hays "Healing Your Body" rings so true for me today, from memory it goes like this." The sun never stops shining, it may be clouded by our negative thinking for a while, but the sun never stops shinning" Brain fog is clouding my memory of this verse so I apologize for any mistakes. However this is so true for me today,I am not one who tends to stay in a negative mind set, as I have found it actually contributes to ill health with-in my body. I am very aware of my body's messages and recognize quickly when I'm out of balance. Most times it's environmental or emotional feelings with-in me that have been triggered by another. So I sit quietly,breathe,go with-in and connect with God in the stillness of the breath. This is my saving grace and healing begins for me when I'm ready to release what ever it may be in the moment of time. Anyway...
The temperature is starting to drop at night and stays low until about ten in the morning, so it's a layering of clothing that gets less during the day, a very different environment to what we are used too.
The fatigue is lingering making me wish for Friday (my day off) to come around quickly. My body is aching all over, as I feel my inflammatory response has flared up with this cooler climate. Headache, muscle aches,brain fog, malaise plus...All too familiar!!!
I'll try and get to the herbal shop today, as I was reading about Ginger, Turmeric, Green Tea and Rosemary being of great assistance to arthritis, so I'll try these.
Hugs, Balance and Love.
Rose

A GENTLE REMINDER

2010-04-09T10:58:00.005+09:30

OUR HOUSE
We have been very busy of late, unpacking box after box.
We both feel as if it is never ending. It's exciting somehow, like Christmas, we don't know what we're going to find until we open the next box.
The fatigue has been very present these last few weeks, causing quite a few challenges on all levels. On the up side I have had a very severe cold if not flu for the last week.
Oh! Too familiar, the feeling of complete malaise and fatigue. I say this is good if not great, because up until now my immune system has been slow to pick up on any viruses or bacteria, yet this time I had a really good dose and my immune system has kicked in, so I'm viewing this as a positive.
The new home has many small niggling problems, some more serious that others. It rained here for six hour straight causing "The Todd River" to flow again, this is the third time in four months. According to the people of the land we're considered true locals now.
Until next time.
Hugs and Prayer's to You All.
Rose

IT'S OFFICIAL

2010-03-19T13:26:00.011+10:30

Well it's official we are now in our new home here in Alice Springs.
Our furniture won't be here until the 1st.April, so until then we are managing with our supplies fro the van. It's not that big a deal as we have everything we need for short term. It's funny really, just how little we actually need from day to day.
Our cats are here with us now, they have just began to settle in,as we also have two new dogs fro the RSPCA (pound).
It's been very full on with the move and my energy levels has been fluctuating quite considerably.
The house is huge and has more than enough room for family and friends to visit.
The whole of Alice is very green here from our recent rain, strange as we live in the centre of Australia, so it's like an oasis in the desert.
I'm grateful for a day off from work today, even though I've been constantly on the phone notifying the necessary organisations of our move, some easier than others and I will be very happy when it's all been done.
I will leave you all with images of Amber one our cats on the day they both arrived (Taylor was hiding ) and our two dogs Monte and Honey.
Enjoying life and the prospect of ongoing wellness.
My Thoughts and Love are with You All.
Hugs and Love.
Rose

FEELINGS AND BALANCING

2010-02-22T09:03:00.003+10:30

WOW!!!
I'm feeling very flat and low energy at the moment...
We have been extremely busy with the purchasing of a home up here in the heart centre of Australia...
My bloods say I'm fighting an infection at this time, the doctor up here isn't too concerned about this, in a way it's good as my immune system is working better than what it has done for a while now ( so good news???).
We are going back to Sth. Aust. on Thursday to de- clutter in preparation for our furniture to be transported up here, so lot's happening and feelings of overwhelm don't escape me right now.
I'm finding it extremely difficult to drive once again, however I am staying positive, as I am familiar with feelings of excitement for having recent restored energy.
Currently listening to relaxation music, breathing in Life and God's Love and remembering to pace myself.
Love to you all and I hope for better news and a more positive post next time.
Heart to Heart Love.
Rose

WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS

2010-02-05T20:40:00.004+10:30

The view from our Caravan
Hi All!
It has been extremely hot here, yet the fatigue is at bay.
I started my new job as an Admin. Assistant, I find it hard to call it a job as I love it so much and look forward to going to work. I work on excel and publisher, both I wasn't familiar with, however I'm finding I'm enjoying the creating that these programs allow.
We have just had confirmation that we were successful in acquiring a home here, a bit daunting as we will have a fairly large housing loan.
Still we are trusting that this is right for us now and going with the opportunities that pop up.
We love it here in Alice Springs, our home that we're buying is much bigger than what we really need, it has a beautiful garden and entertaining area. I will be able to incorporate my stillness room there as well and still have plenty of room for guests.
In Love.
Rose

WET...WET...WET

2010-01-13T11:33:00.004+10:30

As I write this I'm aware of the extreme weather conditions around our much loved planet.
The snow most overseas people are experiencing, the earth quakes, the heat waves down south where we lived all our lives, to the rain and more rain producing floods all over our state and around different states of Australia.
It's been amazing to see "The Todd River" flowing, as this is rare, it really gets this town of Alice Springs buzzing with tourist and locals capturing this on film. We are expecting more rain today and perhaps more flowing of "The Todd".
There are many parts of the Territory that have been cut off due to flooding of the highways, even "The Ghan" train was unable to get here from Darwin due to water affecting the tracks.The supermarkets and food outlets depend on this rail track for our food supplies.It gives a whole new meaning to remote living and brings home the true value of resources we have all become dependent on. It's all good though as we continue to be in awe of this place.
On the job front I have just received confirmation of being successful in a job that really is one of my passions. Earlier in 2009 I was keen to set up a respite centre for carer's of people with Mental Illness. I always felt I didn't have the skills to achieve this, the energy or the resources to do so. I would have been happy to be an Administrator's Assistant. Well I have come almost 2,000 Kms to achieve this. I felt right from the moment we arrived here there was a reason, this as well as a few others( that are related to my husband) is definitely why.
The Fatigue still reminds me at times to pace, the Blood Pressure issue continues.
All in all I look forward with positivity and excitement as we embark on the next phase of our adventure, purchasing a home here, as we are ready to call Alice Springs home.
I continue to trust that God is leading us to where we are meant to be in any given moment.
I hope that this trust flows like a ripple effect to all who read this.
In Love.
Rose

A NEW YEAR FAST APPROACHES

2009-12-30T15:02:00.004+10:30

Hi All!
This year is coming to a close with only one day left of 2009. I find myself reflecting on past events that the year held for me, some good, some not so good, some far better than what I could have only imagined, becoming a reality.
We have been extremely stressed with family issues, that inadvertently effected our animals back in Sth. Aust. We were going back there for Chrissy anyway. Wow! We found it full on, our son had left the house in a disarray, with friends coming in to feed the animals.
Our animals thrive on human contact. At this point in time we are unable to bring them up here as housing is in short supply. We were relieved when my second cousin was available to house sit and very willing to look after our dog and two cats. All in all it turned out well and meant we are now able to breathe a little easier, without the pressure of finding a house straight away, even though we're still looking.
I resigned from the full time position, as the stress level contributed to my Blood Pressure rising.
I have been advise by my Doctor to stay out of the sun as it trigger's all the little critters that cause the fatigue to worsen. Since being up here in Alice Springs where the sun shines brightly and from hot to very hot, sun denial isn't on the agenda and I'd have to say I feel this is actually helping rather than making my illness worse. INTERESTING!!!!!
I am going for another job interview on Monday as a Administration Assistant and hoping to be successful.
I hope you all have a...
Great New Year...
Filled with Love and that 2010 will improve health wise for Us All.
In Love.
Rose

IT'S BEEN AWHILE

2009-11-22T13:06:00.003+10:30

This place I call my journal has been calling me for the last week. It seems that I am writing here less and less.
Since my last entry so many events have happened. The most interesting is I was offered a job, something that I haven't done for the last five years because of CFS. I found here I chose actually to take the job, an easy choice of working in air-conditioning or being subject to constant power outages here (three in the last week). I know that electricity is very much a luxury, however when the temperature is well above 40c every day, I give thanks and gratitude that we live in a developed country.
The fatigue is intermittent and reminds me often to pace. I must say that working is definitely something I felt was behind me, so for now I'll monitor my energy level and choose appropriately. After five years I feel perhaps I'm one of the more fortunate with CFS, so for now I'm enjoying the company of others and eventually the income addtion to lighten the load of our expenditure.
My compassion and Love go out to All who read this. My hope is that in some way it adds hope to All with Chronic Illness.
In Love.
Rose

A SUNSET PHOTO

2009-11-06T10:27:00.005+10:30

Hi everyone.
It's been awhile since I last posted anything here.
We've settled in to a very simple life style of living in our van in a caravan park, most days I try and walk two by twenty minutes walks, one in the morning and one with J in the evening.
My skin had a reaction to the change in water, the water has a lot more calcium in it up here than what we've got back home in Adelaide.
My feet have been a very real issue since being here.First lots and lots of cracks all over my feet, extremely painful and I needed to take extra good care of them. While our daughter and grand-daughter were here, my feet and leg's were very puffy with lots of fluid I felt like a puff ball. It was all to do with the heat and my blood pressure was up again. I'm back on pills again for high blood pressure.
All in all I am giving my body lots of TLC, perhaps this is why I feel better at times????
The fatigue still hangs around, but over all my energy level is better up here.
This place that they call Alice Springs has a very grounding, earthy feel to it.
I hope all is well in your part of the world.
In Love.
Rose

ULURU

2009-10-21T13:31:00.003+10:30

This photo of "Uluru" was taken on our wedding anniversary...
The shadows are of us with the sun shinning behind us...
To All Chronic Illness Blogger's...
I hope that just for a moment this may lift your energy level as this magnificent rock did for me...
Today the fatigue is fluctuating, from moderate to less severe than it can get...
Maybe time to re-evaluate tablet regime...
We do Love it here in Alice Springs...
Until next time...
In Love.
Rose

NEW START

2009-10-12T11:29:00.003+10:30

As most of you know we started a three month adventure in our caravan around Australia.
Well we arrived in Alice Springs almost three weeks ago and fell in love with it...
So...
Here we are...
This is the view from the front of our van...
J has a job here and we will be spending an extended time period in Alice...
The fatigue has become tolerable, providing I pace myself.
I have has a few issues with my feet, after lot of TLC they are responding well...
I feel for me that the key to my fatigue lifting, is to remember to give my body the TLC that it deserves.
The water here is high in calcium, I can't help but wonder if this is helping my energy levels, but for now I'm not questioning...
I'm accepting and enjoying the experience..
In Love.
Rose

DAY 69-82

2009-09-26T19:55:00.002+09:30

We've been away for eleven days.
Beautiful countryside, that we have never seen before.
Geographically when we think of where we are on the map of Australia, it's an awesome feeling.
This trip feels so right in so many ways, to be following my heart is a very rewarding gift.
To keep trusting every moment has blessed us with beautiful memories and photo's.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 66-68

2009-09-13T15:53:00.003+09:30

The Track Ahead

On Wednesday we go on a trip in our caravan. Although the fatigue is still hanging on, I'm in a very positive mind set. The vitamins have helped marginally,I also need to add Folate as well. We are both very excited about our trip and will be definitely pacing as we go. I think this is what makes van travel so appealing to us, is that we do so at our own pace. I am very lucky that my husband does all the driving as it is something that fatigues me very quickly. I will have intermittent Internet access, so will continue to post here.
I know that being out in nature, without other stresses, is of great relief and a welcomed experience to having fatigue on a daily basis.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 59-65

2009-09-10T12:28:00.005+09:30

I Love The Joy Birds Bring Into My Life!

After a bout of the flu, I now am extremely delighted to report that I'm not too bad.
It's been almost a week since my last post, a special thanks to Renee for her much appreciated comment on the last entry.
I have embrace the fact that I'm not about to question why I feel OK, just accept it and enjoy the moment.
I have started taking Immuno X, Zinc, Vitamin B12 and Omega 3 again and I feel that these are of great benefit to my energy level. I was encourage to cease these previously by a doctor,something to do with what he called bad Vitamin D, this meant no fish or eggs either and very limited sunshine. This actually didn't sit right with me on so many levels, but the one that really stuck out and which I found frustrating was yet again I was denying myself food and activities that I enjoy, a big part of my physic actually was in conflict on a continual basis. So now I'm happy to be doing what I want and I came to the realization that I really..." FEEL HAPPY"...
Something that I realized was missing for a while. I knew I wasn't depressed, I knew I have a great husband, family and home, but I wasn't HAPPY.
So I knew that no-one else can make me HAPPY except ME.
So now here I AM...HAPPY.
I hope that we all can find our own happiness despite our chronic illnesses.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 54-58

2009-09-04T14:54:00.005+09:30

PHOTO: Lilly Pods

Hi again!
Since the migraine on Saturday night I've had a very foggy brain this week. I went to see a doctor that I saw in 2005, he is very much on the ball with CFS and has an interest in the science behind it.
If any one is interested in Dr.Sarah Myhill website, it's worth a look and I think makes sense.
(even though it's hard for me today).
More blood tests today, checking for different auto-immune and other tests. Very fatigued, feel like I'm getting or have a flu, hard to tell, as today it's all too hard to work out. Very wheezy,achy..
Ah...just feel Yuk!!!
In Love
Rose

DAY 51-53

2009-08-30T08:37:00.004+09:30

I attended the breath testing appointment and I think everything was O.K. I'll find out the results when the doctor has them. After this we had a short walk on the beach, the sun was shining the water looked beautiful and it was quite warm here, about 21c. The sun felt hot on my head and since we're more or less still in winter this surprised me. The first day of spring is Tuesday.
We then met with friends for lunch, this was a great lift to my spirit, the fatigue was put on the back burner.
That night after a relaxation and breathing session, I decided to add some entries on the laptop, then WHAM!!!!
I had a blinding headache and I mean I couldn't see a thing. I had to go straight to bed. I am all too familiar with migraine headaches, so this was definitely a place where I don't care to revisit.
Anyway the last two day I've been very flat and still getting over the set back.
So to add some cheer to this entry, I'll share with you all the beauty of the ocean that day.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 48-50

2009-08-27T16:33:00.002+09:30

Lot's to say, but really nothing much has changed. I'm off my BP tablet yet again, as advised by my doctor.
Having a lung function test tomorrow as apparently I only have 60% lung capacity (shock...horror).
I knew something was amiss, as I'm quite out of breath when I walk.This is a new addition to the continuing symptoms. My head is extremely foggy and has a continuing ache present.
The fatigue is still present, although at times can be easier to handle. I'm very tired as well as fatigued, I sort of wonder if it's the low blood pressure that's caused the extra tiredness.
I'm very glad to have spell check on this program, otherwise I think readers might not be able to decipher the writings.
I've made an appointment to see a doctor that I saw earlier, he bills directly to our health service, so there is no out of pocket expenses which is fantastic.
Until next time.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 45-47

2009-08-24T11:45:00.002+09:30

WOW! Only two days since my last post. I have felt so fatigued that I felt like it had been a lot longer than two days. Today I feel a little bit more connected and grounded, so the fatigue is manageable, then I just remembered that it's anti-biotic day today. The minomycin does have a effect on the fatigue, but interesting today is that it's not too bad, most times when it's time to take one the fatigue is well and truly present. Sooooooooooooo. Finger's crossed and a lot of praying and meditating it continues to improve.
It has been extremely difficult here the last week or so, but that's life and I realize that there was absolutely no room for control in this current health issue with our son in-law. We thank God that it wasn't Swine Flu, for no other reason than the repercussion of this diagnosis can have on every contact he has had in the last week. So we are very grateful.
That's all I have the energy to write this time.
Love to you All.
Rose

DAY 42-44

2009-08-21T11:27:00.004+09:30

PHOTO:"The Murray River at sunset"

Very flat and fatigued, so I'll keep this short. It's too hard to even spell properly at the moment.
Little Alexis is staying with us as her dad has pneumonia and needs to be isolated from her, with minimal contact even with our daughter, so things are a bit tougher than usual here.
It's very difficult to gather up any sort of energy at the moment, so I'm not even going to comment on the symptoms over the last couple of days, other than it certainly adds to everything else that's happening here.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 40-41

2009-08-18T15:52:00.002+09:30

It's hard for me to find words today.
Maybe it's this darn headache or the reality and clarity I received from the Kinesiology appointment today.
To feel disconnected( from my spirit) is one thing, but to have it confirmed here, is amazing to say the least. (so I'm listening to what my spirit is telling me)
I will say here again, how for me this illness repeatedly shows me certain situations in my life that need addressing or changing.
So my husband and I are going to take the plunge mid September and travel in our caravan.
We don't know how we're going to be able to afford it, we're just going to do it.
Wow!!!!!
We have a beautiful home here, but some how the energy has become stuck.
So to be in nature really restores my energy. I'm not saying here that the fatigue will go, I'm saying here that we are very much going to be living in the moment and trusting in God enough to know we will be where we need to be in that moment.
This is my journey... so may not be for everyone!!!!
In Love.
Rose

DAY 37-39

2009-08-16T22:00:00.004+09:30

Hum!
The lesions on my middle finger and top part of my arm are cysts. Apparently the bacteria is dying off and this is how the little parasites die. Hum! That's good isn't it?
Over all the fatigue has been a bit more manageable, than it has been in months.
May be it's the relaxation and Chakra cd I'm doing everyday. I honestly don't know, just happy with feeling not so darn fatigued.
We had Alexis's 1st birthday party today, it was great. I really didn't have to do too much, only socialize, these days that can be a struggle, so to take it easy at intervals during the day was great.
To many carbs today, hum...
Still on limited Marshall Protocol, by this I mean I had to cut back on the B/P medication. The symptoms seem to be less severe in nature and the time it takes for recovery seems to be getting less.
So something happy to share with you all.
The beautiful photo of the birthday cake. (YUMMY!!!!)
Love and prayers to all.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 35-36

2009-08-13T10:30:00.003+09:30

Yesterday was the first birthday of Alexis Rose our third grand child.
She is such a joy to have in our life and her love for us all, is so pure and simple.
My appointment with my Natropath went quite well,even though she said that there's nothing more she can offer over and above what I'm already doing. I realized at that point that I actually didn't go there for her to fix me. It was more about connecting with this beautiful gentle soul that she is. I hadn't seen her in over five years because this illness took me seeking other therapies. Anyway I had a massage (beautiful and relaxing). She mentioned my immune,lymphatic and digestive systems were showing signs of weakness, no real surprise there. She also did some acupuncture and I would have to say that this helped me to manage the rest of baba's celebrations without to much focus on the fatigue.
So today I wake with a scratchy throat, foggy head and headache.
Feel hummmmm...well after my shower a bit more fatigued than when I first awoke.
A disturbing effect is my fringe is getting very thin and making it difficult to style my hair in any way that I'm happy with.
Going to the GP for a check on B/P.
More feeling of fatigued so that's enough from me today.
I hope these effects of the regime settle soon!.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 33-34

2009-08-11T10:55:00.004+09:30

Photo taken at Murray Bridge.
Today I had a GP appointment, she's not well today, so my visit will have to wait for a couple of days.
My blood pressure is still unstable.
My whole body is so fatigued, I had forgotten that feeling.
My head is foggy (spelling and typing interesting).
Very thirsty and very fatigued today.
Aches and pains all over body.
Yuk!
Strange marks and dermatitis on hands.
Having a Natropath appointment tomorrow,which includes massage, hoping that this will help.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 31-32 BALANCE

2009-08-09T09:16:00.002+09:30

The following was a poem that I wrote about a year ago.
I felt a very strong connection to God and still do. This was my saving grace during a difficult time in our family. I have come to appreciate that this illness is definitely an energy disorder and just how others actually affect this as well.
So for me to take responsibility for my own emotions and feelings was a big part of my healing journey. I understand that this is my journey and my truth. So if this doesn't resonate with you, I understand, however if it helps I am happy to share.
My flare up actually started back in March of this year and I feel now, was triggered by a particular written abuse from my brother. This situation has since seen the division of our siblings. Although this was directed at me and my own family, I am really staying right away from all the whys and whats ( the energy just isn't there). So I sit in silence and solitude, trusting in God's plan. This obviously hasn't helped the fatigue, however this event was definitely not about me or my family, it was just directed at us.
So here I am, fatigued today.
Lesions appearing on my hands ( result of the protocol)
Extremely thirsty.
Legs don't feel like they belong to me.
Anyway too much writing so will leave you with the poem.
In Love.
Rose
The energy for the week has been centred around Harmony and Balance.

It's important right now to embrace the balance of our Divine "masculine" and Divine"feminine" energy (if we choose).

To have an equal amount of "giving" and "receiving"

To fully Embrace who we are in the moment.

To LOVE unconditionally...

To Embrace OUR OWN PURE LOVE...

Release the struggle...

Release the judgment...

Release the self doubt...

It's a choice...

Enjoy...

Enjoy "THE PURE LOVE OF SELF"

In Love...Light and Balance.

ROSE.

The following message has been re:submitted due to the energy felt this last week.

BALANCE…
BALANCE of Giving and Receiving equally...

BALANCE in relationships…

BALANCE in workload…

BALANCE in health…

BALANCE of the...
BODY…MIND…and SPIRIT…

It is essential right now…

Not only to find BALANCE…

But vibrate and expand that...
BALANCE…

It brings YOU...

JOY…

It brings YOU…

PEACE…

For it is when YOU truly feel...
BALANCE within…

YOU connect to the...
LOVE of YOU…

YOU begin to feel such wonderful...
PEACE…

From that...
PEACE there is TRUST…

TRUST…

TRUST in the very essence of...
YOU…

The very essence of your connection to...
GOD...

Feel the JOY…

Feel the PEACE…

Feel the Love of BALANCE…

YOU ARE LOVED…

YOU ARE LOVE…

LAUGH…

CRY if YOU need to…

Treat each other well…

From the loving space of...
YOUR HEART…

YOU are SAFE…

In Love...Gratitude...Freedom and Balance...
ROSE

DAY 28-30

2009-08-07T13:09:00.005+09:30

We're back back after a three day break up in Murray Lands.
The Murray River and it's surrounds is a beautiful place to be.
The bird life and the energy of the river is simply amazing.
We went on short walks and I was amazed at how low my energy level is on exertion.
I have made appointments with a Kinesiologist and a doctor that I saw early for a second opinion when I was first diagnosed. I was very impressed with him, so I have decided to see him again.
The headache and the fatigue were extremely severe intermittently while away.
The blood pressure is still unstable.
I continue to breathe and do my Chakra CD and I feel it is helping to balance my energy levels.
Getting out in nature, truly was beautiful and extremely enjoyable

DAY 26-27 AND BEYOND

2009-08-04T10:50:00.002+09:30

My apologies in advance for all comments posted after this entry, as we are taking a short break.
So no blogging for a while.
Please still leave comments if you would like to, however they won't be published until we return.
My body is definitely showing sings of overload.
In Love.
Rose

SHADOW DANCER (DAY 25)

2009-08-02T10:19:00.004+09:30

PHOTO ABOVE:
" Murray Magpie"
I was extremely fatigued and tired (both at the same time...Hum...).
Anyway after an extremely restless and sleepless night, no guesses here, yep...really fatigued so far today.
On opening the curtains the sun shone so brightly and clear, that I decided to have my morning cuppa out on our front bench (as I write this the Magpie's are singing...) and I became aware once again how nature really nurture's the very essence of who I am.
The birds, the wind, the sun, the blue sky and even a caterpillar all graced me with their presence.
I also noticed just how over grown everything in our yard is. It's been a very wet and cold winter here which makes it hard to get out in the garden and really enjoy it's beauty.
Anyway I noticed all the weeds that have popped up and I thought how quick most of us are to remove or even poison what is truly nourishment for the ground. I also felt this is the same for some parts of me like this illness that I want to eradicate. I feel that this illness is here with-in my body for me to heal some very deep and past life experience. I felt that my early family life was happy, but in recent years some issues have come to pass that I now see more clearly.
So today I am choosing to embrace and integrate all those aspects of me that I call my shadow side. The parts of me, that I beat myself up for, the parts of me that make me who I am, the parts of me that a lot of people don't accept, I have come to realize that some things are not mine to own. I enjoy being me. I just find it difficult to accept that my own siblings don't feel the same way and love me unconditionally.
The fatigue, well the healing starts with me. However nature, weeds and all, nourish, my mind, body and soul. I am at peace with nature and the simplicity I feel when I see the beauty in all.
In Love.
Rose

Day 24

2009-08-01T14:09:00.003+09:30

Today I'm happy to report that the fatigue is quite manageable.
So went for a short walk and found it extremely exhausting.
Headache really severe, leg and muscle weakness.
I seem to be able to write entries on my other blogs though, perhaps this might be aggravating my headache, but I really enjoy the contact with you all on these sites.
I don't feel like I'm alone in this, as I did before I started this journal . Some people in my life find it hard to accept this illness.
So I thank you all for sharing your story.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 23

2009-07-31T13:25:00.004+09:30

Frustration ++++ today.
After waking from a very restless nights sleep, it was lovely to hear the Magpie's singing so merrily this morning.
I heard a tinkering of sorts outside and wondered what it was.
Well it didn't take long for us to find out that our water had been cut off to the house, hum!!!
Just as well we have some bottled water always on hand in the fridge, this made it possible for me to have my vitamins and morning cuppa.
I actually didn't feel that fatigued until my husband got back from a Chiropractic appointment, very annoyed because our private health declined the fee charged. On further investigation and a lot of very angry exchanges (something I try and avoid these days, because it depletes my energy very quickly) I was told that we weren't financial and to our horror they wanted six weeks payment to bring us up to date.
They were very quick to blame us and really left us both dumb foundered and pondering if it's really worth having or not.
Money is very tight, I don't work because of the fatigue and J is on a very low income, which we're very grateful for and most of the time, we manage. This though put us in a very tight spot even though the health provider did wave a little of the fee, but we still had to pay more than what we felt we should have.
At the end of the conversation, she was only interested in getting their money and kept repeating
"I have helped you today"
She wasn't interested in the fact that this is actually the third time they have mucked up (that's the only polite word I could think of here).
Any way.
How has this affected me?
No great guesses here...
Yep .
Fatigue +++.
So for today...
It really doesn't matter.
Hum.....
Lot's to breathe with today...
In Love.
Rose

DAY 21-22

2009-07-30T16:12:00.004+09:30

Yesterday I had an appointment with the GP.
I'm really glad I did, as my blood pressure was dangerously low. So now I'm faced with the choice of continuing this regime or stopping it!!!!
So today I've decided to give natural therapies another go.
I'll explain how I came to this choice.
Monday evening I added into the regime, a commercial Chakra relaxation tape at bedtime and felt slightly better for it on Tuesday.
In the early stages of this illness this became a nightly ritual, but until my recent exacerbation of the fatigue, I must admit I was a bit slack in continuing.
Anyway I'll explain a bit more. During my path to healing, I acquired a Dictaphone and decided to create my own Chakra CD. This is the one that I listened to on Tuesday night and ya la, my blood pressure was very low.
I guess what I'm saying here is, that the power of the mind is just so important.(I know that this may not be every ones journey)but it was a reminder to me to trust in God and myself more, without adding more toxins than necessary to my body.
Today I'm getting back to daily stillness breathing sessions,centering my mind, body and spirit, candles and beautiful relaxation music playing.
The fatigue, sore throat, headache, muscle spasms are intermittent today.
For me I feel that my body has been showing signs of overload these last ten months or so.
Lot's happening within the family circle, that unfortunately depleted me in more ways than what I like to admit and the fatigue is a reminder for me to centre myself often.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 20

2009-07-28T12:49:00.003+09:30

I decided to re-introduce green tea to this regime.
So I had my first cup in the evening last night.
Well this morning I feel as if I have an internal battle going on.
The anti-oxidants attacking the virus, the result so far today is very, very fatigued.
Anti-biotic again, with usual pills.
Added a Vit.B12.
Extremely wheezy.
Very foggy and full head.
Increased indigestion and very large lump in my throat a (good ?) side effect of this regime.
I don't think so!!!!!!!
In Love .
Rose

DAY 18-19

2009-07-27T09:04:00.003+09:30

Quite early here in Adelaide.
As reader's of my blogs already know, I practice regular breathing, relaxation, quiet times.
I don't lay down or fall asleep as I've found this can have a worse effect on my fatigue.
Anyway last night at bedtime, thought I'd re-introduce a Chakra and Healing CD into my daily activities, a practice I used to do in the early stages of this illness.
Well it actually made me worse in the beginning.
It took ages for me to get to sleep, a lot of deep breathing and releasing, to find balance in my whole being.
This morning I'm actually not feeling over fatigue (GREAT).
My mobile needed to be charged this morning and as I plugged it in, my thoughts were, this is exactly what I need, to be re-charged.
I think we all realize that this illness is very much an energy disorder, but perhaps I'm a little bit slow to realize, just how others effect this energy.
So getting back to nature, truly seeing and hearing natures call, will help balance this out of kilter body once again.
I have known most of my life that I'm a feeling person, so in the last five years I have accomplished skills to help, with everyday life.
I know that when the fatigued flared up yet again,I was feeling very overwhelmed.
The bacteria that keeps this illness going has flared up, in response to an increase in Vit. D, the hope was, it would assist the bacteria to go dormant.
Alas this didn't happen, but it actually turned what is called (good Vit.D) into (bad Vit.D).
So here I am reducing my sun intake, no Vit D in my diet and on this medication regime.
It's just as well it's winter here and very wet, which is good on oh so many levels for our country, but also for me at this time.
So another day.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 15-17

2009-07-25T16:38:00.002+09:30

Today!
Hum!
Added in Minomycin 50mgs, to regime today. I'm to take one every 3-4 days, in addition to B/P pills three times a day.
Because no sign of either improvement or lessening of symptoms (at times symptoms are actually worse) I have made a commitment to the program for a month and then I will re-evaluate.
Much the same as any other day, same symptoms, different day.
Lungs are very tight and wheezy last couple of days.
Achy all over.
Headache.
John has a really bad chest infection, so he's wearing a mask, trying to keep his germs to himself, as told by our GP to do so.
Breathing and relaxation with music, helps bring my mind, body and spirit to a place of stillness and healing, so I will continue with this easy task.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 11-14

2009-07-22T14:56:00.002+09:30

Much the same to report.
Still on MP, still have episodes of severe fatigue.
Aching body.
Very flat and sore.
Have intermittent sore throat.
In Love.
Rose

Day 10

2009-07-18T14:53:00.002+09:30

Usual day pills and all.
Daughter and babe over this morning, so feeling quite flat and fatigued.
I feel joy and love in my heart of the pure energy of this little person, who shares her love so simply and freely.
Having guest for tea tonight, so lucky I've got a very caring husband who does most of the cooking.
Herxheimer reaction still happening, apparently for at least another six hours.
Hum!
In Love.
Rose

DAY 9

2009-07-17T19:37:00.002+09:30

Went to the Doctor's today, who's keeping a check on my blood pressure, which is more on the low side than high, which means the pills are actually working. I do have a concern here though as the GP is now tending to put most symptoms down to a Herxheimer reaction. So I guess I feel a bit like, well may be this is easier, than to investigate any further. I'm just glad that I can breathe and centre my mind, body and spirit, through a connection via my heart space. This has been my saving grace and it's just so simple, sure it doesn't mean the fatigue has gone but it certainly helps me from day to day to heal and eventually cure this illness. If there is anyone who is interested in this simple technique, just drop me a line and I'll email a detailed procedure.
Usual three blood pressure pills today.
Sore throat for most of day.
Very fatigued while attempting to clean bathroom, took a lot longer than what I wanted, oh well just as well I'm not on a time limit to finish it.
John and I had a short walk on the esplanade this morning, the beach and nature always seems to lift my spirit.
In love.
Rose

DAY 8

2009-07-16T20:14:00.002+09:30

Blood pressure pill three times today, plus one antibiotic this morning.
Lot's of tummy and IBS today.
Lump in throat.
Out for a walk with babe and John, it was great to get out in nature.
Legs very painful and needed a bit of pampering on returning home to rest.
Feeling very flat and fatigued now.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 7

2009-07-15T18:27:00.002+09:30

Same tablet regime today as last two days.
I wonder how blood pressure pills can affect my bowel so much, I guess the bacteria that's causing the fatigue in struggling in there at the moment, perhaps with a bit of luck some of the bugs might be dying off, I will keep my fingers crossed.
Night sweats are back and no, it's not my hormones, apparently it's all the wonderful bugs in my blood stream, how charming.
I am positive with the introduction of antibiotics tomorrow.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 6

2009-07-14T11:10:00.003+09:30

Early post today, may add more later.
Same tablet regime as yesterday.
Yuk! Yuk! and more Yuk!.
Very sore to the core today.
Usual fatigue.
Lot's of stomach sounds.
Will keep on keeping on though, as I feel in my heart of hearts this will work this time.
Silly really isn't it?
Overloading a body that is showing signs of overload.
Still for a second time I will give this protocol a go.
Meditation and centering my breath is of great assistance to me, even though, that's even hard to achieve, while feeling so fatigued.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 5

2009-07-13T18:18:00.005+09:30

Three blood pressure tablets today, one before breakfast, one before lunch and one at bedtime.
Woke with the normal feeling of fatigue.
Irritable bowel and showing signs of yeast intolerance, even though sticking strictly to a low G.I. diet.
Went to shops, lots of very strong smells there today, glad to leave and arrive back home.
Daughter and babe over for awhile, so feeling joy and gratitude for their love.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 4

2009-07-12T17:34:00.001+09:30

Same tablet regime as last two days.
Intermittent episodes of fatigue.
Sore throat.
Headache.
Aching arms and fatigued leg's.
Great day over all though.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 3

2009-07-11T21:40:00.002+09:30

Same tablet regime as yesterday.
Awoke with severe headache.
Sore throat.
Episodes of Fatigue.
Over all, I am positive about the medication protocol.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 2

2009-07-10T17:20:00.002+09:30

Tablet regime :
Half a tablet at bedtime last night and half a tablet on waking this morning.
Fatigue present for most of the day.
Yeast intolerance apparent today.
Irritable bowel and frequent visits to the toilet.
Typical headache.
Looking forward with optimism for tomorrow.
In Love.
Rose

DAY 1

2009-07-09T19:08:00.002+09:30

I took half a Blood Pressure tablet at bedtime last night.
Today...
Lump in throat...
Aching body...Especially aching left wrist...
Rash on top of left foot...
Fatigue...
Headache...
Irritable bowel.
So...
Not too many symptoms today.
Looking positively toward tomorrow.
In Love and Positive Energy.
Rose